by Catharine L. Kaufman

One of the more benevolent effects of the deepening economic crisis is the trend toward home cooking. But that doesn’t mean that you must completely give up the social, romantic or celebratory pleasures of sharing a meal at a favorite restaurant. Dining out with good company becomes affordable as soon as it is separated from ego and status symbols—such as choosing the latest hotspot or picking up everyone’s tab.

Thanks to the financial crunch—and I really mean “Thanks”—we can stop working so hard to impress ourselves and others by playing the snobby connoisseur of fine wining and dining. It’s all so 2008. Fun with creative frugality is taking over as conspicuous consumption is leaving the scene—have you noticed the drop in corporate jet orders and toned-down jewelry and parties at the last Oscar bash?

Not everyone is getting the message yet. Some are in shock or denial, others cling to traditional etiquette at all cost, while the comfortably wealthy are able to ignore the trend altogether. Unless you belong to the last two categories, you might find it awkward to dine out with friends who think it’s OK to order lobster and vintage wines and stick you with the bill, saying, “we’ll catch you next time…” or “the next one is on us.”

There are, of course, many variations on this theme. And we all know that it’s much easier to get used to a more affluent lifestyle than scaling back. The good news is that the latter often ends up bringing us closer to our values and the people we like. By now, you have probably implemented such money-saving strategies as avoiding expensive restaurants, finding new ‘favorites’ and eating out less often. You’ve also realized that since many of us around the world are in the same boat, we never need to feel embarrassed about our new frugality. The following tips may even help make the transition fun and socially liberating.

1. Separation Anxiety – Separate checks, please
We’ve all been on either side of the lopsided check at one time or another, when we or our meal companions order more or less than the others, but are willing to split the check in the hope that future get-togethers will eventually even things out.  But these days, alas, it’s the present dinner’s cost that counts. And paying for the lion’s share of someone who is gorging on pricey dishes and drinks, while you eat like a bird, is no longer acceptable–no matter how special the occasion. Splitting checks evenly is sure to be unaffordable to some.

Solution: If you are careful to select a meal that’s priced within your budget—say a modest chicken breast and free H2O—while you dinner partners order caviar, lobster, vintage wines equal to your car payments, after dinner cordials and flaming desserts prepared tableside, don’t hesitate to ask for separate checks. Even if your fellow diners don’t go gourmet on you, separate checks are a friendship saver.
Having a tough time giving up the image of generous showoff tossing his platinum card on the bill without a glance at it? Propose eating at one of the establishments serving all-you-can-eat, prepaid buffets, where you buy your own ticket without a flicker of remorse or embarrassment.
Ethnic restaurants are also ideal for casual, family-style dinners that are light on the pocketbook—as are lunches at cafés and other bare-table eateries.
For more sophisticated occasions, choose restaurants that offer wine tasting with cheeses and other munchies at a fixed price. Little gimmicks like these will make the transition to frugality easier.

2. Dutch Treat (also known as ‘Going Dutch’)
A similar outcome can be achieved with a custom most popular among students, artists and others unable or unwilling to pay more than their share of the tab.  Dutch Treat requires some basic skills in arithmetic, since it involves a single check and the tallying of each table-mate’s own consumption. While in the past, Dutch Treat on a date may have been viewed by women as an unflattering (read, cheap) trait in their companion, the practice has lost that stigma in today’s economic climate. Good manners require, however, that the couple agree on Going Dutch before they choose the restaurant. Lack of advance mention often causes embarrassment when the bill arrives, and resentment by one or the other long after the meal has been forgotten.

3. Liquor License
If you are a teetotaler while other members of your party are hardy drinkers, commonsense dictates that (a) you stick to, and pay only for your non-alcoholic beverage, and (b) make it clear to your companions that you won’t let them drive if they have more than two drinks.
If your budget let’s you enjoy a nice mid-priced wine, but your dinner companions insist on ordering the best vintage recommended by the sommelier, it is both proper and prudent in these times of economic crisis to gently nudge them away from their triple-digit choices to more modestly priced libations—perhaps even mentioning the current public outrage at flaunting ostentation.
Business dinners can be more ticklish and require some planning. If the meal is paid through your expense account, choose a restaurant that offers only moderately priced or inexpensive wines and cocktails. When booking the event, it is a good idea to ask the manager to prepare any cocktails ordered by your guests with the less or least expensive spirits and mixers, rather than pricier brands.
Conversely, when you are being hosted on someone else’s expense account, be even more frugal with your drink orders, both in quantity and prices. For monetary and safety reasons, such behavior makes a good and memorable impression.

4.  Clip your Coupons
Bookmark your favorite restaurants’ websites and check periodically for promotions, coupons and event discounts. Look for restaurant ads in local newspapers, dining-out magazines and posted flyers, which often carry coupons worth half-price entrees, complimentary glasses of wine or a percentage discount on the entire bill. This is a good way to still afford an occasional meal at an upscale restaurant.

5. Valet Value
Valet parking can be a big chunk of change these days so carpool with your co-diners and go “Dutch” with the valet parking tab. Better yet self-park or avoid the issue and expense altogether by dining at a restaurant that has street- or self-parking available.

6. Just Desserts
Many restaurants gladly give a freebie dessert (and sing-along) when a member of the party is celebrating a birthday or other special occasion.  So don’t be shy and tell the server ahead of time about the event.

7. Plastic Surgery
For the weak-willed, previously affluent diner, my best advice is to leave the credit cards at home. It’s much easier to stick to a budget when paying with cash. That magic plastic helps us pretend that frivolous indulgence is free.

8. People Power
Make your server an ally. Be good natured, use the same friendly and respectful tone you would use with a favorite cousin (but no banter, please!), be honest about your food concerns and requirement, and above all, ask questions—but only about the few items on the menu that you might consider ordering. Don’t grill the poor server about the entire menu. Treat him or her as you want to be treated. Being a delightful customer has been known to result in better and more attentively prepared meals and even some complimentary extras provided by the restaurant upon the server’s suggestion.

Cheers.